In the suggested opening for Al-Anon meetings, there’s a line that says “In Al-Anon we learned to keep the focus on ourselves.” That’s a surprisingly hard thing to do—particularly for those of us who’ve lived with alcoholism.
This past weekend, one of the daily readings from Al-Anon’s Courage to Change book was on that topic, and I’ve decided to copy it and put it up above my desk where I can read it and be reminded of its wisdom every day. And while it’s copyrighted material, I think I’m well within the boundaries of Fair Use if I post just that day’s reading here.
March 19
I cam to Al-Anon with a compulsion to focus on other people. I had a clear idea of how everyone should behave in every situation and felt very self-righteous when they didn’t follow my rules of conduct. When I realized that my own life was being neglected because all my attention was elsewhere, I had to make some major changes.
Today I still have to be vigilant about minding my own business. I know that when my thoughts begin with “He should” or “She shouldn’t” I am probably in trouble. I don’t have the answers for other people. I don’t make the rules for appropriate behavior, good business conduct, driver courtesy, or common sense. I don’t know what is best for others because I don’t know the lessons their Higher Power is offering them. I only know that if I’m caught up in what they should or should not do, I have lost my humility. I have also ceased to pay attention to myself. Nine times out of ten, I am focusing on someone else to avoid looking at something in my own life.
Today’s Reminder
I grow in my ability to relate to others when I allow them to be exactly as they are. The greatest gift I can give to myself is my own attention.
“Clean your finger before you point at my spots.” (Ben Franklin)
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