"let's do some data mining"

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My sister is getting married on June 1st, and she's just started a registry on target.com (at my suggestion, since our family is spread out, and I thought that would make it easier for folks to find things for her).

So tonight Gerald and I logged onto target.com to see what she'd picked out. My father had said he'd had trouble finding her in the registry, so I tried searching on her name. We realized pretty quickly that he'd probably searched on "Jenny" rather than "Jennifer," and the system doesn't seem smart enough to match those up.

But in the process, we noticed how many Jennys and Jennifers there were with her last name. And even more interestingly, we found someone on the list with a variation on her last name...who was getting married to a man with the same last name. (We'll leave out their exact names in a feeble attempt to protect their privacy. Resourceful readers, I suspect, will be able to track them down.)

"They must be from Alabama," said Gerald. "But that's not what it says on the screen," I pointed out. "Bullshit. They've got to be from Alabama." (Disclaimer: He's from Alabama. Born and bred, with most of his family there. So he can get away with remarks like that when I can't.) "Click on their registry. Let's see what they asked for."

So I did. Four pages of stuff. The first page included Scooby Doo dishes. "So they're a brother and sister who already have a kid," he said. (I will admit that at this point I was pretty much consumed with giggles.) "Keep going...let's do some data mining."

The next page had both a Scooby Doo bed quilt and Barbie twin bed linens. Two kids? Or just one slightly odd child? Hard to tell. Until we got to the third page, with three alarm clocks. Definitely two kids.

But it was the last page where we really lost it. Right there on the wedding registry, there it was: PEPP FARM 38OZ CHEDDAR GOLDFISH. Even better, it was marked "fulfilled." They had asked for--and received--a giant package of goldfish crackers as a wedding gift.

So the next time you find yourself wondering if all this technology has really improved our lives, think of Jenny and Jim and their goldfish. Could life really get any better?

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About the goldfish . . . I also registered for my wedding at Target and in my case my scanner gun happy husband to be registered for Mountain Dew 20 oz., numerous packages of cookies, and a long list of other strange things. We also "recieved" these items, because we bought them ourselves. Just thought that might explain the goldfish . . .

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This page contains a single entry published on April 18, 2003 10:10 PM.

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