sense of wonder

I spent this evening with my six-year-old, Alex. We went to McDonald's for dinner, because the "Mighty Kids Meal" has the coveted Yu-Gi-Oh cards that he and his brother are collecting. Alas, they were out of the cards. But we ate there anyways, and as I sat there across from him at the table, watching him devour his chicken nuggets and fries, I had one of those moments where I was simply overwhelmed by the enormity of parenthood. This amazing creature, so beautiful, so bright, so full of surprises and life and love...how is it possible that I (we) created him? There are few feelings as powerful as looking at a human being and knowing that you had a hand in his or her existence.

When I met my husband, he was still involved with the work of Gurdjieff, and he spent some time explaining the ideas of that group to me. I can't say that much of it took, but one thing did. It was the concept of being/becoming awake. Gurdjieff holds that most of us spend our lives asleep...walking through life not fully awake and aware of it. We have moments, however, when we are more awake. And as my husband explained it to me, those are the moments we remember best out of our past--the moments where we feel as though we are outside of ourselves, looking in. That's what happened tonight, for moment...I was alive, aware, and intensely grateful.

Now we're home, and have slipped back into our sleep. This week, I'm grateful for the mental rest that this sleeping state provides. I've turned off the part of my brain that says "work! prep for class! learn new technologies! faster!" Unfortunately, that seems to have turned off the part that blogs, but I'm working on waking that back up now--hopefully without the work-related tension to accompany it.

One of things that's helped with the detachment is our Christmas Day acquisition (or at least unwrapping) of a brand-new GameCube, complete with the game that I really wanted, Animal Crossing. And it's as addictive as I'd expected (and hoped). Both the boys agree--we're all hooked. I'm not even willing to admit how many hours we've logged on the game since we opened it. (But I will tell you that Lane has woken me before 7am for two days in a row, demanding that I turn on the game--not as easy as it sounds, since we have an outrageously complicated entertainment system in the living room, and I like the game too much to banish it to the disaster area that the boys call their room.)

So that's all the news from the Lawley household, where tonight I'm curled up on the couch watching the surprisingly enjoyable Country Bears with Alex, waiting for Lane and Gerald to get back from the Amerks hockey game. Life is good.

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This page contains a single entry published on December 27, 2002 10:00 PM.

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