mamamusings: unclassifiable

firing on all cylinders

This quarter there’s a lot going on for me…I’m teaching yet another new class (not just new to me, but completely new, meaning I have to create it from scratch), we’re about to roll out a brand new website for my lab as well as bring Julian Dibbell in as a speaker, I’m helping to recreate our departmental advisory board and run the spring meeting for it, Lane’s being homeschooled as of last week, Weez and I are finally getting back to the gym on a regular basis, and the new dog requires an inordinate amount of attention and energy.

But rather than feeling overwhelmed, at the moment I’m feeling quite happy. Almost everything is going reasonably well, and I feel as though I’m functioning at a better and more engaged level than I have in a long time.

Some of it is that I’ve managed to find a solid cohort of talented and energetic colleagues—both in the game design & development program and in my lab—whose enthusiasm and competence help to motivate me. Some of it is that the days are getting longer, which always lifts my spirits and energy level. Some of it is probably because I took a real, honest-to-goodness vacation over spring break. But whatever the magical mix is, I’m happy to have it.

The downside of having so much engaging and motivating me is that I’m completely and totally exhausted. Mentally and physically. What with getting up with the dog before 7am on a regular basis and taking her for walks, lifting weights and doing cardio with Weez at the gym, and putting a significant amount of energy and thought into classes, the lab, and Lane’s homeschooling…well, I’m definitely feeling like tomorrow needs to be a rest and recuperation day.

help me, internets, you're my only hope!

I’m in desperate need of a decent haircut. Can anyone recommend a good and not ridiculously expensive place to get one near Union Square in SF?

booyah kodak!

Via my colleague Neil Hair comes this fabulous video by Kodak, originally intended for internal employee distribution but made available via Youtube for the rest of us. Very, very (intentionally) funny.

on toronto tv tonight

A couple of months ago, I got a call from a producer of the Toronto-based public TV show The Agenda, asking me to be on a panel of people addressing the topic of “people who live their lives online.” After some discussion, I decided they sounded like good folks, and I agreed to do the show—which was done with an uplink from our local public television station.

It’s very strange doing an uplink for a live show—I was at a desk in a studio by myself, with an earpiece so I could hear the people in the Toronto studio. Instead of looking at the people I was talking to, I was looking at a piece of notebook paper with a smiley face drawn on it, taped to the camera in the studio. The disembodied voices would talk in my ear, and I’d respond. To be honest, I’ve been afraid to watch the online version of the show after the fact, so I have no idea how well it all meshed together. The level of discourse was pretty high, so I suspect that it came out fine—overall, it was way above the level of insight and quality that I’ve come to expect from most media coverage of Internet phenomenon.

(At a conference the following month, I mentioned the appearance to some Canadian friends, who confirmed that the show is very well-regarded in Canada.)

Yesterday I got a call from the same producer, asking me to be on the show again tonight—the topic is “The End of Web Anonymity.” I agreed, so after class today I’ll head back to the WXXI studio for another uplink appearance. So if you’re in the TVO viewing area, you can see me live at 8pm tonight. If you’re not, but want to watch the show, they put them up online a few days after the show airs.

—

Update: Much to my surprise and delight, I was joined on the show by two women I know and love—danah boyd, and Annalee Newitz. (Also on the panel were Toronto journalist Jesse Hirsh and Justin Kan of justin.tv.)

three thousand, two hundred, and forty-two

In a press release this morning, the US Department of Defense announced casualty number 3,242 in the Iraqi War: Staff Sergeant Marc Golczynski, who was killed by enemy fire in Al Anbar province on Tuesday, March 27th.

For our family, this wasn’t just a number. Marc was my stepdaughter’s best friend, someone she’s known and been close to since they were both in junior high. In a few days, she’ll be in Tennessee for his funeral, along with his ex-wife, his eight-year-old son, his parents, his brother, and dozens of people who loved and cared about him. These same people had planned to be gathering soon, but for a different reason—Marc was scheduled to come home from his second tour of duty in Iraq next month.

Look at this list of DoD news releases. Every single day they release the names of people killed. People with family, with friends, with a life that’s been cut short. How many of us are really paying attention? How much faster will this list grow as more troops “surge” into Iraq to replace the ones who have fallen?

omg! omg! omg!

I couldn’t believe it when I opened the box. A Canon EOS 30D?!?!
Time to take a photography class, I think!

five things you may not know about me

Joe McCarthy tagged me with the “five things you don’t know about me” meme, which I thought I’d safely avoided. :)

The problem, of course, is that depending on who “you” are, there are different things that “you” may or may not know about me. None of this is likely to be a surprise to my mother or my husband, for example. So I guess I’m really writing this for the people who know me mostly through my blog…

1. I hate green vegetables. I never outgrew this aspect of picky eating. I eat a wide variety of meat, fish, dairy, grains, and fruit. I eat a wide range of cuisines. But I don’t eat green vegetables (unless there’s absolutely, positively, no way to avoid them without being rude). No salad. No vegetable soup. There are a few exceptions to this—Linda Stone made it her personal mission to change this while I lived in Seattle, and she pulled it off by roasting asparagus and thin-sliced zucchini. I actually enjoyed those, but not enough to add them to a regular rotation. I do eat potatoes and corn, and in the world of green foods I do like Jalapeno peppers and pesto.
2. I lived in Malta when I was 13. My father, a political scientist, took a sabbatical leave to study the electoral system in Malta, and we all went with him. Thirteen, in case you don’t know, is not an age that takes well to change, and I was not at all happy to leave my friends behind for an isolated Mediterranean island. There was no internet back then, and international phone calls were outrageously expensive, so I was cut off from my friends the whole time we were there. Since the only schools on the island that used English were the Catholic schools, I have the distinction of being one of the few Jews I’ve ever met who can say a Hail Mary or recite the Lord’s Prayer in milliseconds (we had to say one or the other of these each time a nun entered the classroom). After a few months of Catholic School I threw one of the few tantrums of my life, which resulted in my leaving the school and getting a tutor for math (the only subject where I wasn’t already ahead of grade level). In an amusing twist, one of the members of my World of Warcraft guild is Maltese, and knows quite a few young women who attended that same Academy of the Sacred Heart!
3. I met Gerald, my husband, on FidoNet—which gives me Old Skool geek credentials far surpassing that of most current Internet users. The specific “echo” we were on was the New Age echo, which will baffle most people who know us, as neither of us is exactly a stereotypical New Ager. When I asked him early on what on earth he was doing on that Echo, his answer was “Waiting for you.” ‘Nuff said.
4. I didn’t change my name the first time I married, but I did the second time—mostly because there really is a Lawley, Alabama, and it really is named after Gerald’s ancestors. His mom lives just over the border from Lawley, in Randolph. I loved the idea that my kids would be able to point to a place on the map that was named after their family, since so few people in the US have that kind of deep connection to place.
5. In high school, I was a member of the Pantherettes—a dance/pom-pom squad that performed at football games. Senior year I was co-captain of the squad, and the other co-captain’s mother was our coach…which create somewhat of a power imbalance. After a few months of being completely ignored or overridden on all decisions, I finally lost my temper with the whole group, hurled obscenities at them as I left the gym, and went home and burned every single one of the hundreds of stupid white tissue paper flowers that I’d been making for our homecoming float. I look back on that as one of my finer adolescent moments.

So there you have it. Five things you may not have known about me, complete with colorful details.

And….Weez! Kathleen! Dorothea! Jenny! Adam I choose you! (…to carry on the meme, natch)

completely bearable lightness of being

For the first time in I-don’t-know-how-long, I’m not feeling overwhelmed by commitments this week. I’ve said no to some things that I really wanted to do, but knew would add too much stress, and it feels sooooo good to not be struggling with overload now.

It’s finals week here at RIT (we’re on a quarter system). Student projects get turned in today, and I’ve got until Thursday to get them graded. The final exam is Thursday morning, and it’s mostly opscan graded, so I should have that all done by the end of the day. That means starting Friday I’m completely done with this quarter, and have 2.5 full weeks of break time before the winter quarter begins. More importantly, I have no conference travel or presentations until the end of February.

So what will I do with all that free time? I’ve got afghans to finish, and TV episodes to catch up on. And since Weez just started playing WoW, I’ve got lots of collaborative playtime planned for the break.

Oh…and I need (really, really need) to get my flabby flat ass in to the gym.

It’s all good.

a house is like a sponge

We’re slowly unpacking boxes and watching as items are reabsorbed into the house. It’s quite remarkable. Box after box is emptied out, with no noticeable change in the house’s appearances. Items go into closets, drawers, shelves. They sit on dressers, and on top of the stove, and behind the fridge. Packed into the car and into boxes, the detritus of our daily lives looks overwhelming. Unpacked, it soaks into our surroundings and becomes part of the fabric of daily life.

monday morning monkey mind

It’s not morning anymore, obviously, but Monday mornings always seem to be “monkey mind” times for me. I’ve gotten pretty good at turning work off on the weekends and simply relaxing. This weekend was particularly nice, because Sunday was my birthday. Gerald and the boys took me to my choice of restaurants, The Crab Pot, where you order a seafood feast and they dump the pot of crabs, shrimp, clams, mussels, potatoes, corn, and sausage out onto your table. Everyone gets a bib, a mallet, a crab-cracker, a fork, and some melted butter. Yum!

But weekends off means that when I wake up on Monday my mind starts racing, jumping around all the projects that I’ve got on the table, all the things I meant to do over the weekend but didn’t, and all the things I’ve got to get done that day. I take loooong showers on Mondays, while I try to organize my thoughts.

Today I had four areas of focus—the upcoming social computing symposium and related communication, the research project I’ve been working on here (and hope to be blogging about this week), the Star Wars: Galaxies “community summit” event that I took Lane to on Saturday night, and whether or not to return to my position at RIT.

The first of those, as you can see by the link, now has information available online. Once I’ve got webcast details, I’ll link them from that site.

The second is something I want to get clearer in my head before I start blogging about it, but I think that will happen this week.

The third I’ve just written up in some detail, but won’t be posting here. Why? Well, I’ve been invited to be a guest author on one of my favorite blogs, TerraNova, so watch for it to be posted there in the near future. (Yes, I know, I need another blog like a hole in the head. But it’s so much more fun to start new projects than to finish old ones, isn’t it?)

The fourth is a sticky subject. It turns out I like MSR. A lot. It’s been wonderful to be in a place that really values the kind of work that I do—without my having to constantly explain and justify it. And it’s not clear yet whether that’s going to be true at RIT. As my end date here grows closer, my angst over this has grown as well. On the flip side, my family and I have strong ties in Rochester, and a strong sense of connection to community. While it’s been nice having a break from teaching this year, I’m starting to miss my students. We also have a house we love in a great neighborhood, at a fraction of the cost of something comparable in Seattle. Life would be easier, I said to Gerald, if only someone would invent a teleporter. If I could live in Rochester and work here at MSR, that would be pretty much perfect. But life’s not perfect, and I’ll have to find a compromise that my family and I can all live with. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not whining. I know how lucky I am to have such great choices. But it’s a big decision with a lot of repercussions, and requires a lot of thought.)

not enough hours in the day...

It’s been a whirlwind visit here in Rochester—I thought a week would give us plenty of time, but I still feel rushed, and it’s hard to believe that tomorrow’s our last full day here.

I’ve gotten a chance to see a lot of people I enjoy, and have been reminded of how strong our ties are to the community. Eight years is enough time to put down real roots, and to build real relationships. Lane keeps saying that he’d love to live in Seattle if he could just move all his friends there, and I know exactly how he feels.

I suspect my blogging will be very light over the next few weeks—not only because I’ll be catching up from this trip, but also because I bought myself an early holiday present. I’ve been lured into the World of Warcraft, and I know myself well enough to know that I’m likely to fall hard for this. Since time won’t expand to give me extra hours for gameplay, something has to give—and blogs (both reading and writing) may well be it. The good news is my kids will probably love it, so we can play it together.

(For those already playing, or thinking about starting, I’m currently a Dark Night Elf Druid named Musette, in the Khadgar realm, and have joined Joi’s We Know guild.)

donate a sleeping bag; save a life

The weather’s getting colder here in the Northwest, but I’ll be spending a cozy Thanksgiving in a warm house surrounded by family and friends.

In the earthquake-damaged areas of Pakistan and Kashmir, however, many people are fighting to stay alive as the temperature drops.

North Face Sporting Goods, in collaboration with one of the relief organizations, is sponsoring a “Gear Drop” where you can drop off your sleeping bags, tents, and other cold weather survival gear at their retail stores through tomorrow—they’ll ship what you bring to Kashmiri victims. (For local readers, the local North Face store is 1023 1st Avenue in Seattle.) They’re also offering a 10% discount for items that you purchase there for the relief effort.

Colleagues of mine at RIT are in the process of organizing a site to coordinate similar initiatives, at QuakeHelp.net—so if you can’t make it to North Face today or tomorrow, take a look at their site over the next few days to check for other opportunities.

I’ll be bringing some items to North Face in Seattle tomorrow. I hope you’ll also do something to help the millions of victims in Asia. It’s easy to feel bad about disasters when they happen—and equally easy to forget about them when they’re not in the headlines anymore. Please don’t forget about these people. You can help.

hit by lightning - literally!

We got a call this morning from the family that’s leasing our house in Rochester while we’re on sabbatical—apparently the chimney of the house was struck by lightning this morning! There are bricks littering the lawn, and the ones that fell down the chimney caused soot to spew out into the family room, setting off smoke alarms and generally causing chaos.

The good news? Our insurance company is Amica. One phone call was all it took. The Amica rep immediately confirmed we were covered, said someone would be out within hours to take a look at the damage and start arranging for any short-term preventive work necessary to keep things from collapsing further, as well as to figure out what kinds of repairs and cleanup would be necessary. We’ve got a $500 deductible, but after that all the reconstruction and cleanup will be covered in full. Such a relief.

my public apology to adam smith of google

So, I owe Adam Smith an apology. I was awfully snarky in my blog post last night, and somewhat unfair in my characterization. He was gracious enough to stop by to say hello this morning, after having read my post, and I apologized to him then. But if I’m going to ding him publicly on my site, I feel as though I should apologize publicly, as well.

First of all, as many people pointed out to me this morning, he’s most definitely not over 40 (while I cannot authoritatively confirm his gender, I’m still fairly confident that he’s male…).

Second, as someone representing his company, he’s under significant constraints in terms of what he can say. When I went through employee orientation at Microsoft, I was warned many times about how quickly people would distort what I said or wrote simply because of my affiliation with the company. I was skeptical, but since then I’ve seen first-hand how that does indeed happen, and I can’t fault Adam for being cautious in his responses, and sticking close to the party line.

Finally, I have to give him (and Google) huge props for being here, and engaging in the dialogue. He’s weathered a lot of criticism gracefully, and that’s not easy to do even when you don’t have hundreds of people watching you.

odds and ends

I’ve been neglecting my blog lately. Between personal and global events, I’ve had precious few cycles to devote to writing. But I’m determined to make writing a regular activity again, and there’s no better time than the present.

(I’ve made a deliberate decision not to write about what’s going on down in New Orleans—there are plenty of bloggers and news organizations giving you all the information and commentary you could want. I’ll limit my remarks to saying how relieved we are to know that our friends Deborah and Bruce left the city early Saturday with their dogs, and are safe with relatives in Alabama for now.)

Among the many things that I’ve neglected to share with my readers over the past month are the acquisition of several nifty new toys. The first is the first new car I’ve had in over 15 years (the Odyssey doesn’t count, since it’s Gerald’s vehicle). At the end of July I signed a lease on a brand-new 2006 Subaru B9 Tribeca, and I love it. I’m feeling slightly bad about not having gotten something with better mileage, but we’ll be turning the Odyssey in next summer, and will replace it with something much more fuel-efficient—the Tribeca, which has seating for 7, will become our primary family car.

We got the Tribeca with the DVD system for the kids, but not the GPS navigation system, which added nearly $2000 to the price. Instead, we bought a small, portable Garmin Quest GPS unit for less than $400 from Amazon. It’s wonderful. So, so helpful when you’re new to a city and have lots of navigating to do. The only problem is that we keep stealing it from each other’s vehicles, so we’ll probably have to acquire another one to keep the peace. Without a doubt, this is the best gadget purchase in a long, long time.

Today was the first day of school back in Rochester, and also the first day of homeschooling for the boys. They each went to an enrichment class sponsored by the school district (“Grammar Games” for Lane, and “Origami” for Alex). Lane is taking two additional classes that meet later this week—“Origami Math” and an improv acting class, and Alex is taking a cooking class. Early reports from the field (yay for cell phones!) are that the classes got a big “thumbs up.” They’ve also been playing with some online math activities, and some discovery channel tv/worksheet tie-ins.

We’re thinking about acquiring some caged pets (for their scientific educational value, of course), and spent a good bit of time last night reading about the pros and cons of different options. I was unenthusiastic after reading about gerbils, hamsters, and guinea pigs. But then we found out about pygmy hedgehogs. How cute are they? So tomorrow the boys are off to a downtown Seattle pet store to check out some babies for suitability.

Also on the agenda for that all-important “socialization” aspect of homeschooling are a regular Friday afternoon “HomeZone” program at the YMCA that includes gym, swim, and art, as well as a local homeschooling group that sponsors everything from lego clubs to family hikes. And perhaps most surprising to anyone who knows us, we’re going to check out a local Unitarian Universalist church on Sunday and see if it’s a good fit for us.

On the professional front, I’ll be speaking at C2: Connect & Collaborate later this month, participating in a workshop at State of Play III: Social Revolutions in early October, and then speaking at Internet Librarian in late October. If you’ll be at any of those, come say hi!

All that ought to give me plenty of fodder for writing on a regular basis. Plus it’s September now, so my brain is kicking into gear (as befits a well-socialized academic).

making a difference

I was reading my daily blog doses on Friday when I came across Lilia’s post The Kindness of Strangers. I followed the links. And I cried, too.

When Lane was born, Gerald and I were both students. Lane ended up in the NICU for ten days. It turned out to be a false alarm—he was fine. But we had an enormous hospital bill on our hands—neonatal intensive care ain’t cheap. Luckily, that was 1994, well before the Republicans had gutted our national safety net. We qualified for Medicaid, and escaped financial disaster.

In contrast, here’s how Badger, an ABD with a 12-year-old son (Badger-boy) and terminally ill husband (Mr. Badger), described her “safety net” experience:

I brought him home from the hospital only five days later, so determined was he to make a speedy and full recovery. But between the weight loss from the cancer (he’d lost almost 40 pounds before he finally had surgery) and the trauma of the surgery itself, he was very weak. So I applied for Social Security Disability. Fortunately, like good honest Americans, we had paid self-employment taxes on his art and teaching income, and he qualified for benefits: $590 a month. Although our combined income—my salary as a GTF and his disability check—does not cover all our monthly bills, the Social Security Administration determined that we make too much money to quality for SSI. The maximum income to get SSI: $570 a month. You like that math? That $20 difference? And without SSI, there is no Medicaid coverage (until you’ve been on Social Security for two years), and without Medicaid coverage, there is no assistance with any medical expenses we accrue in his follow-up care.

Cost to date for surgery, CT-scans, hospital stays, doctors’ visits, and labwork: $79,000. Insurance benefit left for year: $21,000. Days left until new benefit year: 145. Response from Social Security Administration when I went down to their office with our 2004 tax returns to prove our lack of income: Priceless.

“There’s nothing I can do for you. Come back in two years.”

Prognosis of someone with stage four liver cancer: 3 months

Read the whole post, entitled “The political gets personal.” Please.

I can’t solve the problem of world hunger. I can’t bring peace to Iraq. And I can’t cure Mr. Badger’s cancer. But I can help Badger and Badger-boy by donating to a fund to help them with medical and living expenses. So can you. I hope you will.

changes afoot at msr

Seems like a lot is going on at Microsoft this week…I found out yesterday that I’ll be working for Marc Smith rather than Lili Cheng during my year at MSR, for reasons that are good for everybody involved, I think.

More details when I’m sure that it’s okay to provide them.

useful household tips

I’m cleaning out my inbox, and came across one of those “forwarded from umpteen friends” emails that I’d gotten back in ‘99 (yes, I have over 4000 messages in my inbox, and many are from years ago…). This one was worth saving, and it occurred to me that I should put it here in my “google-able outboard brain” so I could find the tips again if I needed them. I have no idea who the original author is; leave a comment if you know, and if I can verify it I’ll add the attribution.

TIPS FOR A LIFETIME (or at least an afternoon)

1) Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

2) Use a meat baster to “squeeze” your pancake batter onto the hot griddle - perfect shaped pancakes every time.

3) To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

4) To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard-boiling.

5) Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan-the marshmallow won’t stick to your fingers.

6) To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

7) To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top - skillet will be much easier to clean.

8) Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces - no more stains.

9) When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead - no white mess on the outside of the cake.

10) If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato - it absorbs the excess salt for an instant “fix me up”.

11) Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator - it will keep for weeks.

12) Brush beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

13) Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it back up.

14) When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn’s natural sweetness.

15) To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh - if it rises to the surface, throw it away.

16) Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

17) Don’t throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

18) If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

19) Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.

20) To get rid of itch from mosquito bite: try applying soap on the area, instant relief.

21) Ants, ants, ants everywhere … Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march - see for yourself.

22) Use air-freshener to clean mirrors: It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.

23) When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.

24) NOW Look what you can do with Alka-Seltzer: Clean a toilet - drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush, and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china. Clean a vase - to remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets. Polish jewelry - drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes. Clean a thermos bottle - fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary). Unclog a drain - clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

and we're back!

Apologies to those of you who came to the site this afternoon and thought it had been hacked. We were making some changes with our ISP, and my son’s web site (http://www.something-else-inc.com/) accidentally got swapped with mine temporarily. Everything should be back to normal now.

aural history

I’m up late…too late…grading student projects tonight. I have iTunes on party shuffle, after having spent the past week or two loading up my library with a ton of CDs I haven’t listened to in ages.

A few moments ago, a song started playing that I haven’t heard in years. And suddenly I was flooded with memories of the first time I heard the song—in 1989, to be exact. I can remember the location (a bed-and-breakfast in West Virginia), the weather (crisply cold and sunny), the golden color of the wood in the sunlit high-beamed room I was in, the smoky smell from the fireplace, and the way the singer (Diane Schuur) blew me away with her voice. I bought the CD as soon as I got back to DC.

Very strange, how a song can do that. Send you tumbling backwards in time, back to a place that you didn’t know you even remembered.

free sidekick phone available

Now that I’ve moved off TMobile and onto Cingular, I’ve got a first-generation Sidekick sitting around gathering dust.

It’s a b&w version that has some screen scratches (not terrible), so I probably wouldn’t get much for it on Ebay. So, if someone out there in blogland would like it, I’ll give it to you (along with the power adapter and the camera attachment) for the cost of the postage. (If you’re local, you can just pick it up from me at RIT.)

Leave a comment here…first person to ask gets it.

Folks, this entry is more than a year old! The Sidekick is long since gone, so I’m closing comments.

note to self: remember this equation

Sunny Sunday morning + kids with grandma + excellent latte + free wifi + great jazz = greatly improved state of mind

sudden loss

Tuesday afternoon when I came home from work, Matthew was cutting our grass. Gerald hired him to do it last month, after he’d hurt his back, and we’d kept it up because he was a friendly, reliable 17-year-old kid who wasn’t charging a fortune to mow the lawns. I’d only spoken with him a few times on the phone and in passing, but I was impressed with his quiet confidence and gentle voice. I remember wondering to myself on Tuesday what Matthew was going to use his earnings for—was he saving up for something special? Was he taking a girlfriend out to dinner? Was he just hanging out and having fun with his friends?

I’ll never know the answer to that question.

Wednesday night, Matthew was killed by a drunk driver.

How do I make sense of this?

I know alcoholism is a disease. But how can I feel compassion for the 39-year-old man who got drunk on Wednesday night, then climbed behind the wheel and sped into Matthew’s car? How can I not feel rage and despair over this senseless death?

The one thing about becoming a parent that nobody warned me about was the extraordinary sense of vulnerability that comes with the love. With each new sign of independence comes a mix of pride and fear.

My heart breaks for Matthew’s family. I can’t imagine what they must be going through.

this grrl can write

This is one of the most touching love notes I’ve ever read. Brought tears to my eyes, even the third time through. Read it. It will make your day.

ups and downs

The Bad News
Those of you who said I wouldn’t last a week in Japanese were wrong, but those who said I wouldn’t last two were right. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it, it’s that I couldn’t do it without other things that were more important (my family, my research, my recovery) suffering greatly. I still plan to study it on my own this summer, perhaps sharing lessons with my son on weekends. And I’m still pretty proud of myself for learning all of the hiragana kana (including long vowels, short consonants, and glides) in under two weeks.

It’s summer, and I’m sitting in my office, coding data. (Well, blogging, really. But thinking/stressing about coding data.) Blech. I’d rather be floating in my pool, or tending my garden.

I have to travel again next week, much to my kids’ dismay. Only for a few days (to Santa Clara for Supernova), but I really am tired of traveling.

The Good News
Dropping Japanese lightened my psychic load more than I could have imagined. Last night I actually was able to relax with my family. The fact that it seemed like a barely-remembered luxury to do that was pretty telling.

While I have to work on the grant this summer, I set my own hours. If I want a two-hour lunch-and-sun break, I can take one. If I want to code data on my back deck (glare permitting), I can do that, too.

If I have to travel anywhere, Supernova’s a pretty good destination. I had a great time there last year, and I’m looking forward to meeting some new folks this year.

The iSight 1.02 firmware update seems to have finally gotten my iSight to work with my computer again, so I can videochat with my kids while I’m away! That will be fun.

My new 300GB drive should arrive this week. w00t!

learning japanese (i think i'm learning japanese)

(Those d*mn soundtracks in my head!)

Anyhow, I really am going to be learning Japanese this summer. I just registered for a summer session class here at RIT (one of the nice perks of working here is free tuition for me, Gerald, and the boys).

Two hours a day, four days a week, for five weeks. Ack! It’s taught by someone that comes highly recommended, though, and the first five weeks of the summer session are best for me in terms of free time—no teaching, no faculty meetings, but the boys are still in school. When I’ve taught summer classes in the past (out of economic necessity), I’ve always opted for the first half for that reason.

I’m planning to apply for a fellowship (a Fulbright, ideally) for research and teaching in Japan for the 2005-2006 academic year, so learning a bit of the language first seemed like a wise idea. We’ll see how it goes—I don’t have much of a facility with new languages, and the thought of trying to learn not just vocabulary but also character sets (three of them, no less!) is more than a little daunting.

distributed audiobook development

AKMA’s got a great idea. Take advantage of the Creative Commons license that Larry Lessig put on his new book Free Culture by having a bunch of people each record a chapter of it in audiobook format.

Amazing…I was thinking exactly the same thing today, about both Lessig’s book and Cory Doctorow’s eastern standard tribe.

Not only does this make the book more broadly accessible, but it has the added bonus of being a chance to hear real voices from the bloggers I know and love.

I have no strong preference on chapters, though I suppose the librarian in me likes the idea of Chapter 9 (“Collectors”), and the title of Chapter 11 (“Chimera”) is fabulous!

I nominate my friend Weez, who has a marvelous voice (which she uses as co-host of a local PBS radio show), for the Preface or Intro. Weez, you in?

cult member and proud of it

Via my friend (and sxsw roommate) Kelly comes this article from The Black Table entitled “The Cult of Diet Coke.”

The list of who’s addicted ranges from REO Speedwagon and Elton John to Donald Trump and the Clintons.

Since my husband and I go through cases of the stuff each month, I’m glad to know we’re not alone in our devotion.

(And, of course, my first contact with Joi Ito was over his Diet Coke post, so it played a significant role in my social networking experience.)

things i wish i didn't know

I’ve always liked that line in Bob Seger’s song Against the Wind…”Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.”

It’s been a rough winter. Too many illnesses, too many losses, for too many of the people I care about.

On the list of things I wish I’d never needed to know—

• That there’s a back entrance to the Strong Hospital parking garage that’s much quicker for getting in and out
• What the visiting restrictions were for neonatal ICUs ten years ago, and what they are now (pretty much the same, it seems)
• How effective antidepressants can be at helping those of us with a tendency towards chemical imbalance manage the curve balls life throws at us
• What a month of below-freezing temperatures feels like
• The difference between sitting shiva in a reform household vs. an ultra-orthodox household

Yeah, I think life would definitely be easier if I’d never had to learn any of those things.

But the sun is out today (even if the temperatures are still below freezing), and my husband and kids—the people who matter most in the world to me—are happy, healthy, and at home waiting for me. That’s worth a lot.

mystery song from "joan of arcadia"

I watched this weekend’s episode of Joan of Arcadia, and at the end there was a lovely song. It wasn’t from any of the albums they listed as being featured on the show that night, however, and I’d really like to know where it came from so I can buy the album.

Here are the lyrics…if you recognize them, could you clue me in? Thanks!

tell me where you are and i will come and get you don’t you know my love for you is true
just give me a sign and I will be behind you
don’t you know i have to find you

don’t tell me that it’s over
that’s not how it should be

babe i recognize i see it in your eyes
there’s way too much hurt too many lies

but if we come together, make our love forever
that will be the greatest treasure

don’t tell me that it’s over
you just got to believe

baby don’t you care about the love we had, being happy not sad
guess sometimes things don’t work out like we planned

tangible handiwork

Sometimes I just get tired of being a technologist…spending so much time in front of a screen, typing away, with nothing tangible to show for the effort. Which is why when I get burned out on computer work I tend to turn to real-world crafts. In grad school I took advantage of courses in “Decorated Papers” and “Papermaking” through the MFA in Book Arts program. Here at RIT, I took a woodworking course. But my old standby, the thing I take up when I’m most in need of comfort, is crocheting.

My maternal grandmother (my “oma”) taught me how to crochet when I was very young, starting with simple granny squares. As I got older, I tackled more complex patterns. As an adult, I’ve accumulated a stack of pattern books from Leisure Arts and American School of Needlework—most afghans, with a few hats and scarves and mittens thrown in.

When my brother-in-law passed away earlier this month, I decided to start an afghan for my sister—something to warm her during the cold months ahead. I chose the Rainy Day Blues pattern from Sandy Scoville’s “Warm and Cozy Afghans” ASN pattern book. (The picture on the left is the one from the pattern book.) I’ve made this afghan twice before, once for our house, using Lion Brand Homespun yarn in Sierra—and it’s a much-loved item in our living room. I made another one as a wedding gift for my older stepdaughter a couple of years ago (this one in Homespun Shaker), and she and her husband adore it. This time I chose Homespun Colonial, which seemed to suit my sister.

The nice thing about crocheting—as opposed to, say, blogging—is that I can talk to my family while I do it. I don’t have to shush the kids when I’m finishing a row of stitches the way I do when I’m finishing a sentence of a long post. I can watch television while I do it, too, so over the past few weeks I’ve become quite a Gunsmoke afficionado. (Did you know they run two episodes of Gunsmoke every night on the Westerns channel? Neither did I! But Miss Kitty is definitely my new favorite television character!)

I started the afghan on Saturday the 6th, and finished it last night—record time for me on one of these projects. That’s it on the right, next to our Christmas tree (we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas in our house…) It turned out quite well, I think. And I’ll be able to give it to my sister as a moving-in gift on Monday when she moves into her new apartment.

Tomorrow I’ll stop by JoAnn’s, where Homespun yarn is on sale for $3.99/skein. It takes about 12 skeins to make the afghan, but it’s well worth it for the enjoyment, satisfaction, and lasting warmth it provides.

how to live life

As we begin to untangle the legal and financial aftermaths of my brother-in-law’s unexpected death, it has become increasingly clear to me that there are real risks and consequences to believing the best about people, particularly when that trust goes against one’s better instincts.

And because there are in fact legal and financial issues involved, that’s about all I can say about that.

Except that I have managed to formulate one simple rule for how to live life:

tonight's soundtrack

For the past several days, for reasons I can’t talk much about, this Cowboy Junkies song has ben playing in the back of my head. Maybe posting it here will help me to purge it.

this street, that man, this life
This street holds its secrets like a cobra holds its kill
This street minds its business like a jailer minds his jail
That house there is haunted
That door’s a portal to hell
This street holds its secrets very well

That man wears his skin like a dancer wears her veils
That man stalks his victims like a cancer stalks a cell
That man’s soul has left him his heart’s as deadly as a rusty nail
That man sheds his skin like a veil

Lord, you play a hard game, you know we follow every rule
Then you take the one thing we thought we’d never lose
All I ask is if she’s with you please keep her warm and safe
and if it’s in your power please purge the memory of this place

This life holds its secrets like a sea shell holds the sea,
soft and distant calling like a fading memory
This life has its victories but its defeats tear so viciously
This life holds its secrets like the sea

parking lot wifi?!?

I’m sitting in the parking lot outside the RIT gym. I was supposed to meet Weez here 20 minutes ago, but I forgot my ID, which is required for entrance. (Yes, RIT folks, I know you can get in without it—but I’ve done it so many times that they’ve told me I have to have it from now on… :/ ) My husband—who’s mobile again, and back to taking care of me instead of the reverse—is en route with the ID, so I’m sitting in my car, waiting.

I figured I’d work on some course materials while I was here, so I opened up my laptop. Much to my amazement, I get a wifi signal out here! Not a strong one, but enough to get me online. Who’d have thought I could blog from my laptop while sitting in the middle of D Lot?

woohoo!

binge behavior

One way that people who know me well are able to gauge how stressed (or depressed) I am is by watching my eating habits. When things aren’t going well, I tend to binge. My drug-of-choice in tough times is Ruffles potato chips, preferably with a big container of french onion dip.

Rationally, I can look at that bag of chips and know that it’s going to make me feel ill in the short term, and make me overweight in the long term. But rationality doesn’t play into the decision. It’s a kind of short term gratification that feels great at the time, and it somehow fills an immediate need for me. I’ve never had a problem with drug or alcohol addiction, but I suspect some of what I feel when I’m weighing the decision about whether to wolf down that bag of chips is what someone with a substance abuse problem wrestles with.

I was thinking about that this morning at the gym. I try to make workouts a regular part of my life, and to make sure that it’s part of a routine. If it’s not a routine, it’s too easy to fall into bad habits. The same thing is true for what I eat…if I get into the habit of buying healthy foods and having them easily accessible—at home and at work—I eat better. I’m less tempted to binge on potato chips if I’m full of chicken makhni. I’m less tempted to grab a pizza for lunch if I’ve brought in a hard boiled egg, salami, and sharp cheddar cheese. (Obviously, I’m trying to reduce my carb intake.) And it’s true for finances, as well. If I have a budget, and stick to it, I’m less likely to binge on spending. If I don’t, the money (like my trim figure) slips away when I lose control.

It’s hard, though, to stay balanced in all areas. Physical health, emotional health, fiscal health, intellectual health. I don’t think it’s a “choose any two” kind of thing, but I do think the hardest challenge I face on an ongoing basis is finding a balance. Not to obsess about perfection in any one area, only to find that I’ve let something else fall part. And I’m also learning to recognize my own warning signs…when I find myself overindulging regularly—whether on potato chips or shopping trips or blog reading—I know I have to stop and reassess the choices I’m making. The things that are hardest for me—whether it’s changing my eating habits, going to the gym, or or turning off the computer—are probably the most important things to look at.

So now I’m going to (a) turn off the computer, and (b) go home and spend some time with my family. The first one is hard, the second one is easy. The rest of my personal challenges…well, I’ll keep those to myself. :)

informal legal advice needed

I have a relatively simple question.

Can I use a famous quotation from a living person on a commercially marketed t-shirt without first getting that person’s consent?

I’m not sure whether that consitutes copyright violation or whether it falls within fair use.

(And yes, I realize that advice I get for free via my blog is worth less than the paper it’s not printed on. Just trying to get a general sense as to where I should look for guidance on this.)

you may ask yourself...

“How did I get here?”

That’s what I was asking myself the whole time I was at the NSF PI conference this week. What an amazing experience.

I’m still trying to sort out what I can blog about the workshop, and what I can’t—many people were sharing very preliminary results, and it wouldn’t be appropriate to disseminate them at this point. But I will try to sit down this week and distill some of what I took away from the whole thing.

Meanwhile, blogging will continue to be light because I leave town again on Saturday—this time for the Internet Librarian conference in Monterey. Happily, the hotel rooms there have high-speed access (and I’m hoping for conference wifi, as well).

(Speaking of wifi, there’s now free access in the Rochester airport! Frontier Communications is running a business center, and the signal is strong enough to reach most of the gates in the A terminal.)

still here

It’s been a busy week. Lots of stuff that I can’t blog about—personal stuff, work stuff, yada yada. Some things that will be revealed in time, others that won’t. Plus a nasty cold that had me going to bed at 8pm every night. Nothing to worry about, though. I can breathe again, which means I’ll be blogging again. After I grade the 34 papers on my desk.

clean bill of health

From the radiologist, anyhow. (I still have a cold.) I’ll certainly sleep better tonight.

And Isabel passed too far to the west to have any real impact here. Almost no rain, and while it’s windy, it’s nothing significant.

Thanks for all the well-wishing. It helped.

tonight's soundtrack

How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that’s so cold?
Maybe I’m just too demanding
Maybe I’m just like my father too bold
Maybe you’re just like my mother
She’s never satisfied
Why do we scream at each other
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry

control freak

When I was in high school, I went to an Al-Anon meeting with a friend. It was my first exposure to a 12-step program. I hated it. The fact that the whole program depended on my admitting that I was powerless over (meaning not in control of) some aspect of my life was a deal-breaker for me. Because I’m all about control. Always have been. (It will come as no surprise to players of Magic: The Gathering that I typically play a Blue/White control deck…)

Since I’ve been lucky enough not to have needed a 12-step program, the control issues have come back to haunt me in other ways. I was thinking about that this week, writing this post and mulling over whether to