i've looked at clouds from both sides now

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Long time readers of this blog (as well as many who have found it through searches) know that I've had my battles with depression, and that the cyclical nature of my depression means that I often need antidepressants to restabilize my brain when it gets seriously out of whack.

Since it's been a pretty good summer, I've been working on slowly weaning myself from my current medication. Why? Because while the benefits the meds provide by lifting my depression are incredibly valuable, they doesn't come without a cost--primarily in the form of side effects. Manageable side effects, and worth the tradeoff, but not something I want to deal with if I don't need to.

The problem with going off anti-depressants, however, is that one side effect of withdrawal is--you guessed it--depression! And it's hard to know if the resulting dark moods are short-term withdrawal symptoms or an indication that I shouldn't be going off the meds at all.

Now, my depression doesn't manifest in immediately recognizable ways. I don't sleep a lot, or even eat a lot. I do, however, snap at other people a lot--especially my family. And, oddly, I become compelled to clean house! As a result, I've spent the past few days tackling the clutter and dirt in the house, with significant results. The resulting improvements in my surroundings actually help to lift my mood, creating the opposite of a vicious circle. It's all good.

Add to that the fact that we're eating much healthier food these days, and that I'm exercising regularly, and I'm optimistic that I'll be able to push through the next week or two of moodiness and come out the other side happy and healthy.

In the meantime, however, if I don't respond to your emails, or if I seem unusually snappish--it's not you. Really.

1 Comment

I feel for you. I've been off of meds for a year and a half now, FWIW!

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This page contains a single entry published on August 15, 2010 6:05 PM.

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