stories i won't tell

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There are not many times when the fact that this is a very public journal leads me to censor myself--generally, I don't have a lot to hide.

But last night as my mother and I were flying back from LA, she said "you'll probably have a lot of stories to tell on your blog about this trip." And I suddenly realized that while I had in fact been instinctively blogging in my head all week, that I didn't want to share those stories in a public forum.

I think it's because the stories aren't really about me. They're about my family, and those stories are not mine to share.

So yes, I have lots of stories. Stories about why it's so important to hold your family close while you can. Stories about why it's a bad thing when your family is spread out across thousands of miles. Stories about the way people can surprise you with their warmth and generosity--or with their incredible lack of sensitivity to others. But I'm not going to share them. Sorry.

4 TrackBacks

There's a good post over on mamamusings regarding when it is appropriate to post content to your blog, a topic that Adam and I have been talking about recently. Read More

Private Stories from Timbu :: Musings on April 17, 2003 12:44 PM

mamamusings: stories i won't tell Like liz, I find some events in my diary are not fit for public consumption, as described in "stories I won't tell." I have considered setting up a private MT server for these private entries, Read More

Story of a girl from Laurabelle's Blog on April 17, 2003 1:46 PM

Dorothea's recent referral to a certain kind of crisis reminds me of a story that isn't wholly mine to tell. Read More

The department has invited several people to give job talks this week and next. No, I won't say how many. Read More


I know that funerals can be unusual events: times when you're happy to see people you haven't seen in a long time, but obviously also sad for the loss you've all suffered. I hope this experience went as well as these things can be expected to go.

Believe it or not, I was just this morning thinking (blogging in my head, as you say) similar thoughts about what or whether I would write about my mom's visit this past weekend. My conclusion was very similar to your own: not all of these stories are my own, so I don't really feel the right to blog about them.

Best wishes.

You point out a very important point - while we choose to be the characters of our blogs - those in our real world setting do not. So we need to be careful about respecting their privacy and private issues.

I also realize it's a challenge because this may be when a blog account is most useful but maybe it should only be a private entry on your computer. . . .

Don't be sorry. I was touched and am sorry for your loss, but I felt strange expressing this in your blog. It was something I would want to tell you in person.

I have been drawn into blogs in which folks discussed their personal lives, and at times this included the loss of loved ones. It sounds very heartless of me, but I felt uncomfortable reading these. Admittedly, these were mostly acquaintances, who would probably not shared these feelings in "real life." And yet, had they wanted to open up to me in real life in such a way, it would have been OK. It just seemed off-putting on a blog.

You have blogged about being touched by very personal stories in blogs you read, and I feel the same way. Yet, there are some things that just don't seem to be blogable, or which lose something in the translation to the Web.

All that said, I am very sorry for your loss, and wish the best for you and your family.

peacefully time ends
as the sunset joins the sea ~
waves wash away tears


It's good to know that I'm not alone in (a) blogging in my head and (b) in drawing lines on what I will and won't blog about.

We all are, after all, private people.

Interesting. There was a wonderful essay that my mother wrote on her deathbed and I asked my sister whether I could blog it and she said she would rather I didn't. It's also interesting how different people have different levels of sensitivity.

I have also been through far too many funerals and deaths considering my age and I find that they are very revealing moments for family, friends and one's self...

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